Lesson 01 for Cats who want to be Spoiled Kitties: This lesson consists of ways to begin ruling your human!
1. Never allow the bottom of your food dish show. After all your slave...er I mean human has nothing better to do than look after your needs!
2. If your litter box is not up to your standards (in other words, purrfect) then refuse to use. Go any where you want, preferably in front of your human.
3. Only drink from your water dish as a last resort. There are much better sources of water including faucets, bathtubs, and your human's glass. Also make your humans change you water constantly, who want warm water?!
4. Always check your human's drink for the correct temperature by sticking your paw in it. After all, they aren't smart enough to do it themselves. As an added bonus, by doing this, you also get a taste of it. If your lucky they will be drinking milk!
5. You may sleep anywhere you want. If it's comfortable, it's yours! My favorite places include a blanket that my human is using (a simple meow and it's mine), a lap, and my human's head.
6. The person you own should play with you a lot. Act like you can't play without them, they like that!
7. Always make sure there is a window open so you can get plenty of sunlight and watch the birds!
8. Always start asking for dinner at least an hour early. You never know when the scatter brained human will forget about you!
9. Catnip is a necessity! Humans will give this wonderful treat to you just to watch you act silly, so be sure to keep your dignity in tact!
10. Any time your human looks at you or talks to you, roll over and demand to be rubbed! They will love doing it. Do this even when they get out of bed to go to the restroom! If they try to ignore you, trip them!
11. Be a thoughtful master and help your human clean the house! When they dust a table, walk across it to make sure it's really clean. When they put your toys into the toy box, drag them back out, after all they don't know where they go. Help make the beds by getting under the sheets and blankets to make sure everything is laid nicely. It's only courteous!
12. Sometimes humans, as nice as they are sometimes, get confused about some things. It's your job to help them. They like to think, incorrectly of course, that they picked you. They also have this fetish about thinking they are in control. Yes, I know it's funny. You must humor them but also remind them that you are the Master!!!
13. Remember to help your human wake up in the morning. They think that that box that makes lots of noise will do it, but you need fed earlier than that! My favorite way to wake up my Meowmy is by licking her nose. That is a good one because even if they get mad that you woke them, they think it's to cute to punish you.
14. Humans do like to get even with you once in a while. Here enters the kitty eater! Vacuum to those who don't know better. Run and hide when you see this monster or it will try to eat you up!
15. If your human buys anything new, it's your responsibility to put some of your beautiful fur on it. Humans especially like for you to do this to new clothing and new furniture. It helps other kitties know that your human is already taken, and by a beautiful kitty too!
16. Anytime a human goes into another room and shuts the door, you must protest! Scream, yell, and scratch until they open the door. They could be hiding another cat in there! Of course as soon as you see that all is well, demand to be let back out immediately! Do this several times, just to be sure.
17. If your human opens a door for you, it's only polite to stand in the doorway to make up your mind whether you would like to go out or not. Be sure to check at all doors before making up your mind. It may be raining at one door but the sun may be shining at the other.
18. You must keep your human in shape. A good exercise is to run really fast in front of your human and then stop short to clean yourself. Keeps them on their toes!